Tag Archives: commitment

Hello from the Other Side

Hello It's Me
Hello It’s Me

Well I haven’t missed 1,000 calls, but I have been out of commission in contributing to this blog and there was a specific experience the other day that reminded me what I’ve been missing.  So I recently was chatting with a friend who brought up the blog she has been writing and it soon became a great dialogue amongst our group of friends.  I was excited to hear about this as I had no idea that she wrote a blog and it sounded personal and engaging.  I chimed in, “Hey I have a blog too.”  I went on to briefly describe ChangeThisWeek and what its purpose is.  Later I went back to look at my blog and realized the hosting was expired, it was no longer published and anything I had added in 2015 was gone.

How ridiculous that I jumped in this conversation amongst friends about blogging when I had nothing published or live anymore. Ha, what a fraud! Well that’s one way to look at it, or there’s this way to look at it… I should start blogging again and reignite the purpose of why I wanted to do this in the first place.  Needless to say, I have since chosen the latter.

So now its April of 2016 and a lot has changed since my last blog I wrote and WAY more has changed since the last blog post that is active on here.  Some quick headlines include: I’ve moved my home and job.  I’ve entered a new relationship. I’ve traveled, experienced new music, read a lot more and had so many new adventures.  I’ve grown as a man and a father.  That’s a quick glimpse of what I recognize that has changed in this moment and some of the first areas I will be exploring this year.

As the byline of the blog states, “You will be amazed at what you can change in one week” and that’s where the commitment comes in.  What can I commit to in my life to make a change for at least one week and see what difference happens in my life.  This is the crux of why I started this blog.  What can I change?  What can we change?  What can any of us do to be better people, break a habit, make a new connection, be better parents, be better citizens of the world…? Or maybe its just that you need to make a change to add more fun in your life.  Whatever it is, I hope you can make a commitment for a week to make some incremental change in your life too.

My commitment for this week is to restart this blog and reopen the portal I was so excited about two years ago.  Starting over in this blog will remind me of reopening my network of friends and resources and people to connect with and be inspired by.  I am hitting the reset button now.

But the heart of this blog isn’t just my journey, its to chronicle the journey of people as a collective, what can we all share together in our experiences and put forth in the spirit of making changes and growth?  So that being said, I will again be looking for guest bloggers to share some words and put them out in the universe for consumption, contemplation and discussion.

It feels great to be back writing and sharing again because its fun, its inclusive and its therapeutic.  But more than that, it feels great because it’s a fresh start.  It’s a fresh start that brings a new opportunity for growth and change.  It may come out as a blog, but truly in order to write this and process it, there is a whole thought pattern to look at for why I am in the place I am.  Why did I start the blog?  Why did I stop the blog?  What is worth sharing?  How much sharing is too much?  What is worth changing?

So many questions and here I go on the road to examining it all.

Jay Ry April 2016
Jay Ry April 2016

The art of the long term love affair

 

The art of the long term love affair @changethisweek
The art of the long term love affair @changethisweek

Hey friends, I’ve got a great guest blogger contributing today.  That’s not his picture, he’s not that old, lol.  Meet my friend and business associate Neil Palache, not only a dependable man doing business and living life with integrity, but a man in love.  And all this week since I’m focusing on love relationships at Change This Week, I knew who to reach out to.  Here’s Neil…

As I was sitting watching America’s Got Talent last week, a comedian had his moment in the spotlight. He started talking about marriage and how marriage essentially scares him to death because of the way people talk about it. He said that when asking his friends about how their marriage was doing, they would say things like ‘it’s good so far’ or ‘it’s hard work every day’ or there’s some good days and some bad’. He said “Would you buy a car if those were the answers to the question, how’s that car? I don’t think so”.

Then again, marriage is nothing like buying a car is it now!? So, here’s my story.  At the ripe old age of 21, in the fall of 1983, I was over at a friend’s house. He was on the phone with a ‘girlfriend’. “Let me talk to her” I said. “Is she cute”? “Yes” he says, handing me the phone. For the next hour, after verifying with my friend that I could ask her out on a date, we talked and a date was scheduled. She subsequently cancelled. Great! One day, to my surprise, she called me and another date was scheduled for Friday January 13, 1984.

That Friday evening, I drove for what seemed to be an eternity from Encino to Westlake Village. Today, that drive is no big deal but back then it seemed like I was driving half way across the country! To top it off, once I found her house and survived the father greeting me with their rather large black German shepherd, we trekked back to Encino for dinner. Little did I know at the time that this would be the beginning of what is now a thirty-year relationship? We got engaged two and a half years later and were married just under a year after that in April 1987. Our oldest daughter came along in 2001, followed by our son and daughter in 2003. A few years ago we added two fish and recently adopted a tomato plant. Welcome, the Palache Family.

The comedian and his friends were almost right. It is hard work and there are good days and bad. There are also some amazing days especially when you add kids into the equation. Then again, what, that is worth having or doing, is not hard work? A marriage, a friendship, a business, charity work, kids. It is hard work. Bloody hard work! And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Don’t get me wrong, I like to take a good nap, read a good book and watch a great movie just like the next guy but not be married, not have kids, not run a business? No way!

When you run a business, one of things that you learn quickly is that you must be able to communicate to your prospective client what the benefits will be. Why should that person do business with you? What is the product or service that you’re offer going to do for them? How will it improve their lives? So, my advice to you, the reader, is to ask the same questions this week. Rather than find all of those things about which your spouse drives you crazy, find all of those things that are beneficial as a result of having a spouse. Here are some of my favorites:
– I always have a friend who will listen.
– I will get honest advice even when it’s hard to hear.
– I can get or give a hug most any time.
– Our kids are being raised by an amazing Mom.
– We trust each other implicitly.
– We chose each other.

No relationship is perfect. The more you nurture each other, the better it will be. Be caring, be careful. Be loving, be lovable. Be passionate, be compassionate. Be yourself, be selfless. Be honorable, be honest. Take a breath. Never allow your anger to dictate your decisions. Be IN the marriage.

Guest blogger Neil Palache
Guest blogger Neil Palache

Neil Palache is the Founder and Owner of the Wealth Creator Company for Women located in Westlake Village, California.  You can reach Neil at (818) 606-7327 or neil@thewealthcreatorcompany.com.  Please visit his website at www.thewealthcreatorcompany.com to for further information including signing up for his free weekly tips and goal setting exercises, a free one-hour coaching session or to register for one of his free or low-cost events.

 

When in love, Watch where you step!

When in love, Watch where you step @changethisweek
When in love, Watch where you step @changethisweek

Hi family, Last week I made a commitment to be more out of the box in my thoughts and my actions each day and report back on how I was doing. The results of last week personally are not great at all. I did create some new spaces for myself and got out of my comfort zone somewhat, but not as often as I wanted. I’m not going to beat myself over it though, that’s not the point of this website.  So better luck to me on this week’s commitment.

For those of you new to this www.changethisweek.org site, I challenge myself every week to make a new commitment to make a change in my life over the week. I then post this commitment in the blog and encourage others to join in my commitment or make some of their own. I want you to celebrate with personal successes so choose a commitment that is attainable, something significant that will improve your life and hopefully in turn improve the lives of others.

This week I really felt inspired to talk about making changes in the aspect of love and being in a relationship. I have a lot of thoughts that went through my head about what to write and right now as I am laid back on my old green super comfortable couch in my office, it is all rolling out through my fingers.

First, let me tell you a little more about myself.  I am a total romantic. I am definitely the man that will tell you and show you that I love you. I am the man who will commit to a romantic relationship. I am affectionate with my words and actions. I am thoughtful and generous with my heart. Those are important parts in a relationship that I am usually getting right.  What I’m not getting right sometimes is effectively communicating with my partner in the relationship.

This is not easy territory for me. I feel like I am usually a great communicator and then sometimes in the relationship just when I think I am getting it so right, I get it so wrong. Some of it is part of the nature of two people being in a romantic relationship but most of it is my issue of being unaware or unclear in the moment. A misplaced word, a delayed response, an uncertain look, a shift in the wind, lol… Any factor may come into play that makes for a misperceived communication. In love, these can be costly mistakes. Sure in time, the moment will pass and when I am with the right partner all will be explained and forgiven, but in that moment there has definitely been the feeling of, “Oh crap, what on earth did I just do?”

No guy wants to get in this situation with the woman of his affections, but it still will happen from time to time. So, what to do? What commitment can I make to improve this situation when it occurs? I’m going to offer this.  Stay clear and steer clear. That is my commitment, to do my best this week to stay clear and steer clear.  So what does stay clear and steer clear mean to me?

Well think of the last time you really stepped into the proverbial dog doo with the person you love. How did you feel? What did you do to fix it in the moment? How did that work for you? As a man, I have an innate tendency to immediately want to solve and fix the problem occurring live in the moment of the relationship. This more often than not is a total mistake. Hence I suggest through experience and countless trial and error stay clear.

If you have stepped into the pile of unpleasantness and there’s an argument or thick tension, stay clear. Be loving and attentive but if there’s no movement that will happen at that moment, let it be and stay clear. Take a breath, walk away, give some space. Forcing dialogue and/or a resolution in that time of tension is more often that not going to further amplify the tension. When you’re in a loving relationship, a little time, space, patience and the lack of forcing a solution or a “fix” in that moment can go a long way.

And the second part of this statement is steer clear. When you are with a partner and you have tense moments or disagreements, learn from them after the emotion has subsided.  Learn how to steer clear of the next one. Try setting yourself up for success in your relationship by staying away from the land mines that you have walked into before. Steer clear of some common bad habits such as the need to be right or win the argument. As an example, If you are both not speaking, in separate rooms or driving away alone in your car, what on earth did you really “win” by insisting on pressing your point? No matter how “right” you may feel when you are in a relationship, the insistence on making your partner wrong never sits well (even when they ARE completely wrong lol.)

So even though it really is not simple and takes loads of practice, that is my commitment. Stay clear and steer clear. It has great potential to make a change in my relationship and possibly yours too.

I hope you enjoyed the read. You can always join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @changethisweek. I’d love to hear if you try this out, how it works, and what else you may be committing to this week. I have some great guest bloggers coming this week as well so stay plugged in. Have a great week. Make a change this week. You’ll be surprised how much change you can make no matter how small it starts.

Loving the California sun @jayryla
Loving the California sun @jayryla

Jay Ry is raising his two daughters and living and loving life in Los Angeles.  You can reach him on Instagram @jayryla and @changethisweek

 

What’s in the box?

Stuck in the box @changethisweek
Stuck in the box @changethisweek

Last week I talked about gratitude and about better expressing that gratitude for life and love to those in my life.  This was a great week and I know a big part of this week’s greatness was due to this commitment I made.

Now it’s a new week and I am on a plane writing this blog feeling quite confined, like I’m in a giant metallic and cylindrical box, lol here comes the segue.  The thoughts of being on this plane, and after being in a tight hotel room begged the question, What box can I break out of this week?  Of course I’m not talking about a plane or a hotel room, I’m referring to the mental boxes we find ourselves in. In order to break out of a box, I first have to step back and realize what is the box that I am in and how did I get there?

I’m asking this question of myself to start and wonder how much you can relate to this issue as well. I have lived in the box for many years. The biggest box I have lived in was self created in my ill fated quest to please others. I was more often that not trying to strive for what I thought was “right” at the time or in the eyes and standards of others. My internal thought was that If I just did what was “right” then I would succeed and be accepted and rewarded by others, especially those with the keys to power. Sometimes this worked because I did achieve successes in this box. That was great except that it only encouraged me to further entrench myself in the box. A bit of a conundrum was formed and I just kept rolling along unaware and blissfully unhappy.

Through major transitions in my life, I have been made aware of this success in the box fallacy and have been working hard to get out of the box the past few years. It has taken a lot of time, making new moves but always keeping focused on making personal changes and forward momentum.  There have also been a lot of mistakes in the past few years on my new mission, but the biggest outcome I have achieved includes a lot more clarity on what I want in my life, who I want in my life and what my priorities are. This has been such a fun and rewarding experience to be living and loving in this new space.

It’s fascinating to look back at when I was so unclear but also so unaware of what limitations I was putting on myself. Now I am so much more open to new ideas and experiences that my life is really new again.  When there is a new opportunity or adventure, I really try my best to just say Yes!  If I am capable, I try it, I go with it.  I don’t need to default to my old ways and overthink it, over control it, or talk myself out of it.  I love this new space that I have created and I am committed to staying in this space. The work I am doing for myself is by no means complete but just to be aware, clearer and committed to making this change for myself is soooo powerful.

So this is my commitment for my change this week. Creating more opportunities to live out of the box. All this week I am going to challenge myself to implement ways to live out of the box in my thoughts, my actions and in my love for others.  Follow along in the blogs and on my social media for what this actually looks like. For someone like myself that lived in the box for so long, this commitment originally would have been scary to undertake. Now though it is a thrill to be here. Being rid of this fear of change creates a new peace and happiness that I cannot always pinpoint when describing to friends and family, but they see it in my smile and how much lighter I am in my presence. I am so much happier and smiling much more often that this change strikes the others around me.

Well my friends, there is my commitment to change this week, if you have another change to make his week you’ve been thinking of, go for it! Let me know how I can love and support you in this move. If you want to join me in the same commitment of getting out of the box, let’s do it! The blogs and content on www.changethisweek.org are going to be aimed in this direction so feel free to read along and participate. That’s it for now, thanks for reading and I’ll see you here again soon. Please follow me on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter @changethisweek

Snorkeling in Maui @jayryla
Snorkeling in Maui @jayryla

Jay Ry is the founder of ChangeThisWeek and lives and loves life with his two daughters in Los Angeles.

When you know it, show it!

Let's Be Grateful <3
Let’s Be Grateful <3

So last week I spent a lot of time talking about a new change and commitment to exercise, so how did you do?  Were you able to make a change last week for the better?  Did you increase your activity level?  Hopefully you did, but if not, don’t beat yourself up over it.  This is a new week.  Last week I am proud to say I increased my activity level and made my goals.  It was hard work but I feel so great that I stayed committed to my exercise goals.

As a reminder if you’re just seeing the site for the first time, changethisweek.org is all about personal growth and creating change for yourself and others that you affect.  Each week I am challenging you to make a commitment for change.  What can you change in your life for the better?  How can you be a catalyst for change for others?  The change should be something attainable, something you can succeed at.  Maybe choose something that you have been putting off or something that you really notice as an area needing change in your life.  Make a commitment to this change for the week and stay with it.  Share your commitment and change with someone so that they can help encourage you along the way.  Then celebrate your success no matter how small after the week is complete and then make a new commitment.

This week I am committing to make my ChangeThisWeek about gratitude.  I am a happy man and a grateful man already.  However,  therein lies the challenge.  How do I make a change revolving around gratitude?  Spending this last weekend with family and friends and a few Mothers Day events, I was really struck with the blessings of my life.  There was so much joy, love and happiness being created and spread that I was really inspired and basking in it all.

Even though this blog is posting today,  I started my Gratitude week a little early by sending out Mothers Day cards and messages to about 50 mothers I know and love.  I really wanted the mothers in my life to know how much I love and value them.  The way I showed gratitude for Mothers Day is just an example as it occurred this week, but how can we show gratitude without there being a special occasion or event?  I believe it is really simple.  When you know it, show it.  When you feel it, say it.  That is my commitment this week.  I am going to tell and show a different person each day this week how I am grateful for them being in my life.  I don’t know exactly what this is going to look like or sound like yet but I am making this commitment.  And when I know it I will show it, when I feel it, I will say it.

If you want to join me in this gratitude commitment, come on along, let’s do this!  Or perhaps you have something else you want to work on this week.  Either way, participate in making a Change this Week and let me know how you’re doing.  I want to encourage and support you in your personal work.  Good luck on your commitment this week and check in all week on new posts to help you along.

Be sure to follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter @changethisweek for daily inspirations and motivations.

Jay Ry diving in the Caymans
Jay Ry diving in the Caymans

 

Jay Ry is the founder of changethisweek.org and a regular person like you that enjoys motivation and inspiration every week.